chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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