i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
