What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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