guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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