it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
