She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
