I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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