i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
