I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
