Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
