I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
