did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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