you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
