My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
