sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
