So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
