Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
