I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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