I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize