i permit you to call me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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