I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
