so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
