ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
