he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
