dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
