When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
