I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
