i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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