i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
