Your dad touched me again.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
