Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
