I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
