Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
