Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
