I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It's just like the Real World with babies
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
