I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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