I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
