His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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