Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Too much gin, very little bucket
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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