ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
