cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
