If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
two words...techno handjob
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
