its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
