I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
