the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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