She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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