So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
