i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
