I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
