is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
