I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
