The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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