Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
