When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
